A couple of jokes for

A couple of jokes for you.
David Beckham was speaking at a management conference: “The best thing about them,” he said, “is that they’re only two calories, and your mouth feels fresh for an hour”. A voice from the wings was then heard, “David, we wanted you to talk about tactics…”
A small boy arrives home with an armchair under each arm and a settee
slung across his back.
His dad goes mental.
“What on earth have I told you about accepting suites from strangers?”
[via e-mail]