Telemarketers

Despite appearing cold hearted I am in fact quite a softie. I find it difficult to say no. Especially over the phone. In person, yes, I can say no and coat it with smiles to lessen the pain but not over the phone. My smiles are no good to the person on the other end of the line.
I am using broadband right now and though I love it you could say I was initially ‘forced’ into it. A brilliant sales person called up and wouldn’t take no for an answer. And though I ummed and aahed he won me round in the end. Not his fault of course. Not any telemarketers fault. The evil is within.
There are several ways to try and get rid of said telemarketer. The one I try first is “I’ll think about it.” Big mistake. This leads to months of callbacks and more persuasion. It’s best to steer clear of the whole uncertainty angle. This is an indication that you may be interested and their aim will be to push you over that hill. No matter how long it takes.
Next up is the “I can’t afford it right now” trick. With more sympathetic telemarketers you may just get away with that. However, the more astute ones will tell you how it’s only such and such a price, how you can pay over set amount of time, how even minimum wagers could afford it you flipping skinflint! You end up feeling guilty for your stinginess and they have won. Damn.
There is the whole “Saima isn’t at home right now” path. This is tricky as you have to first determine this is a telemarketer calling and not your long lost aunt Kauser. All this before you’ve given away that you are indeed the proposed victim. You could pay your little sister to screen all your calls or use an answering machine for a less costly alternative.
The best way to get rid of them is of course “no” but if I was able to do that I wouldn’t have protection for all my credit cards, membership of a Mystery and Thrillers book club, broadband and an onion slicer.

13 comments

  1. “I do not want any of these products and/or services.” Pause. Then ask the person on the phone “Is that thing that tapes all these conversations recording it that I do not want any of these products and services?”
    “Is that your real name? You do not sound like a Cindy; but more like a Supriya.”
    Listen to the person’s name and then say, “[name], People who make that kind of decisions are not at home right now.”
    Tried all. None of them worked. I own a RocketChef, not because of some slick telemarketer, but because that Chef Tony has Jedi powers and I am weak. Also the RocketChef was 1/2 off at Lechters; and after playing with the display model for 15 minutes, I really thought I could make salsa, guacamole, ice cream, roast turkey, cure for Cancer, and also common cold, using it. Also they were giving out “fat-free” frying pan with the RocketChef. (Though the box said this pan cooked without any oil, the instruction manual said in fine print that I had to use oil, other wise things will burn and not cook.)
    A year later my mom took my “fat-free” frying pan, unused, still in box, in one of those “do you use this? no? I’m takin’ it then” operation. I still have the RocketChef. It really makes good salsa, but not faster than a knife-chopping board.

  2. Simple trick for any callers peddling double glazing, mortgages, anything to do with your house. Just tell ’em you live in a council house. They will drop you faster than a hot potato.

  3. The method I use typically is not to listen at all, but to keep repeating, “I am not really interested but thank you all the same.” Over and over again, hopefully drowning out the temptation, and letting them know that I am not hearing a t hing, but still remaining polite. Weird that you should feel compelled to be polite to someone rude enough to call around the dinner hour but there you have it.

  5. I have heard but never tried the following: ask the telemarketer to hang on for just a second while you turn down the tv, radio, whatever. Put the phone down, come back in 10,20, 30 minutes. They are usually gone.

  6. My wife and I just switched from a land line and a cell phone to just two cell phones. We have cable internet access, so there is no need for a land line, and the telemarketers don’t seem to be allowed to call cell phones, as I haven’t gotten a call from one on any of my cell lines in three pluss years.
    Not a workable solution for all, but nice if you can swing it. If not, the idea presented earlier of just setting the phone down and walking away not only gets them off the phone, it also saves others from being called by them during that duration. Way to take one for the team!

  8. I’ve gotten over the whole polite phase – i either hangup or rudely say “i’m not interested. goodbye” in my best anne of weakest link impression.

  10. Asif, that’s unlikely when I can’t even say no.
    Oh and ‘god freaks’, I admire them in some ways. It takes a lot of courage to go to someone’s home and talk about your beliefs.
    I went to school with an Asif Khan.

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